You’ll probably be familiar with the quote “I write to know what I think”. I’ve heard this attributed to many writers including Flannery O’Connor, Joan Didion and E.M.Forster. In truth, they probably all made some kind of statement to the effect that writing is an excellent way to unearth the ideas and feelings that you may have been suppressing for one reason or another, or when you aren’t really sure what you think about a topic. Writing gives you a chance to order your thoughts and give them some kind of coherence.
I like the idea in principle but I’m not sure if it really works for me. It’s true that it can be hard to know what you really think about an issue until you sit down and start writing. I’ve often been quite surprised to see the words I’ve written. Sometimes I’m so shocked that I delete them quickly in case I accidentally press the publish button and they escape out into the world for everyone to see.
Sometimes I feel that I’ve been too honest and have left my soft underbelly too exposed.
Yesterday I sat down to write a piece about being boring. More specifically it was about why some people can’t tell that they are being boring and why I am over-sensitive to people being bored by me. I’m acutely tuned in to the tell-tale signs that I’m losing someone’s interest. I can see their eyes slide away and I can read the subtle signs that they want to move on to the next person. Sometimes I think I’m just imagining this but then it turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think (I’m boring) therefore I am.
I know that sometimes people get bored because I’m speaking too slowly or too quietly. Sometimes I’m just thinking out loud and I appreciate that this can be intensely irritating. Watching me think must be a bit like watching grass grow. You can almost hear the wheels grinding.
It puzzles me when other people can’t tell that they are being boring. Do they know that this is happening but they just don’t care? Perhaps they feel that what they have to say is more important than the other person’s desire to move away. They just blather on disregarding all of the signs.
Yesterdays’ experiment in free-form writing didn’t go very well, but it’s been a lot more fun today. Yesterday I seemed to be circling round the topic without knowing what I was trying to say, but today I think I’m saying that you don’t necessarily need to know where you are going at the start of a journey, you just need to be open to whatever comes along. Something of a cliche but certainly true of the kind of writing that I like to do. It’s always a bit of a journey with a few unexpected detours along the way and that’s ok.
The advice to write so that you know what you think flies in the face of all the blogging advice I’ve read over the years. New bloggers are often advised to find their authoritative voice so that people will want to read all of the wise things they have to say. I tried this approach on my other more public blog and I must admit it doesn’t sit well with me. I think I come across a bit like a teacher (which is not surprising as I actually used to be a teacher) and I prefer to just express my ideas here in this fairly anonymous, but nevertheless liberating environment. It’s wonderful to have the chance to think out loud without worrying if I’m losing you somewhere along the way.
So if you made it to the end, cheers and thanks for reading. Let me know if you have any comments. Some chit chat would be fun.
Not really that creative 
I know what you mean about people talking on and on and on….I just don’t get it. On the other hand, I can’t imagine you would be boring…but I know what you mean, I can tell too when someone has stopped paying attention, you can read the body language. Partly it’s a sign of the times…as for writing to discover what I think, sometimes that works for me, I suppose, but I find that sometimes I just get frustrated with myself, because I’m not sure what I think….I wonder if that is resistance….that there is something there that needs to come out, but we’re not letting it come out…do you know what I mean?
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Yes I know exactly what you mean. I guess I’m undecided as well. The idea of writing to explore an issue seems like a good idea but I often just go back and forth and can’t seem to come to a clear position. Perhaps this is because I can often see both sides of an issue.
On the other hand, there are some issues that I feel strongly about and can’t really tolerate any opposing views. Racism is a good example. I don’t seem to have any problems with taking sides on that topic. But I’m white and middle class so it’s easy to be all high and mighty as I don’t really know what I’m talking about having never experienced racism first hand.
But your point about whether we do have a view but we temper it with what’s acceptable is also something I struggle with. For me there’s always an element of “what will people think” which annoys me.
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